


What May Be

by ceasefire



Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Developing Relationship, M/M, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-15
Updated: 2013-01-15
Packaged: 2017-11-25 15:11:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/640181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceasefire/pseuds/ceasefire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Koujaku finds himself picking up on the ways Noiz tries to feel pain the more they spend time together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What May Be

Koujaku finds himself picking up on the ways Noiz tries to feel pain the more they spend time together. At first it's just little things, nervous tics like lip-biting and digging fingernails into bare skin, and Koujaku doesn't worry about it. But the first time Noiz comes to his apartment, Koujaku catches himself staring as Noiz stands in his bathroom, running scalding hot water from the tap over the palm of his hand. He pulls him away, distracts him the only way he knows how when everything is this new, this closed. 

After they're both sated and comfortably numb from the pleasure of the afterglow, Koujaku watches from his spot in bed as Noiz redresses and prepares to leave. He finds himself frowning as Noiz mindlessly bites the skin off his lips until he bleeds, flicks his tongue piercings against his teeth and drags his fingernails over his flesh. He wonders if Noiz even realises that he's doing it. The next day, Koujaku walks into his apartment and finds Noiz lying on his bed, pinching the dark bruises Koujaku left on his neck the night before between thumb and forefinger.

Koujaku doesn't have the right to tell Noiz how he should live his life -- as if the brat would listen anyway -- but he wishes he'd realise that his body, however broken, was worth caring for and treasuring. When Koujaku thinks of his own scars -- not just the actual scars, but also the ink trapped beneath his skin and the mental scars too -- all he can do is shake his head in disbelief as Noiz tries to leave the same sorts of marks on his own body; marks that will never fade, marks that should _hurt_ but can't, won't, never will. He'll never understand why Noiz wants to do that to himself when he's... well, not _pure_ , but young, more physically whole than Koujaku is. Noiz doesn't appreciate Koujaku's opinions either, and so they never speak of the subject after the first time it's brought to the surface. But not being able to speak of it doesn't stop Koujaku from treating Noiz like he's something precious, valued, and Koujaku tries to ignore the strange feeling in his chest that flares when Noiz looks at him, confused, as if he doesn't even understand why Koujaku gives a damn either way.

And a few weeks later his efforts pay off. Noiz doesn't immediately redress and leave afterwards, but instead stays lying next to Koujaku in bed, not touching him but staying close to feel his body heat as their breathing evens out.

"Oi," Noiz says, voice so low that Koujaku can barely hear him. "Thanks."

Koujaku pauses, stares, and then shakes his head as he offers Noiz a cigarette for lack of anything to say. Noiz takes it and lights it, watches the smoke spiral up towards the ceiling. Koujaku contents himself with his own cigarette, and he doesn't say a word when Noiz lets the ash burn his fingers.


End file.
